Forlorn and forgotten

If there was one thing I would like to redo in my college life, it would be my course.

It’s only the second week of my senior year yet I already feel like I’m in a living hell.

I hate oral recitations because they scare the crap out of me. The worst part is that I deal with it almost everyday. I get it. I’m not good at impromptu speeches. For some reason, words only come out well for me when I’m writing. I also feel like one of my professors is taking me personally. Or maybe she isn’t, but I hate how she always catches me off guard. Attracting negative attention is what I do best. I’m always put on the spot, and I hate how people mischievously laugh at how stunned I seem to be. I couldn’t bear the cold stares of my classmates either, especially since I am well aware that I have zero friends among them.

I hate group works because I’m always the one who’s left behind. The distance between my course mates and I is incredibly sickening. I feel like my presence is just insignificant. Just imagine what it’s like to feel so alone despite being in a room full of familiar faces. Everyone’s everyone is engaging in sensible conversations, while I remain in one corner, invisible, uncared for, and isolated. The truth is that nobody wants me. And why would they? I was, after all, the girl who always gives the dumbest answers in class.

I hate school, and I want to be left alone. I could feel the deep urge of asking my parents if I could shift to another course, but I don’t really have any idea of where I should transfer to. I love the path I’ve chosen. I just don’t want to go through my final year like this.

I am drowning in self-pity, and there is no one else who could save me but myself.

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